You think it’s all over

I hoped by now I would know the answer to whether or not I could be considered to adopt a child who is friends with my son.

After some confusion this week where I recieved some second hand information that turned out not to be correct, I discovered that I am going to be considered. But far from the stuffy meeting whereby Social Workers and managers got together and discussed all the pros and cons (which is what I was led to believe would happen by my former SW), I have actually been told that my son and I will have to undergo further assessment as the main part of the ‘consideration’.

Whilst being extremely happy that they have agreed to consider us, I am definitely not looking forward to being assessed further.  My new SW has been quite negative about the situation. She made some rather negative comments about my son saying he was ‘over excitable’ and that I needed to imagine what that would be like with two of them and how dreadful this would be if he acted like this during introductions during what is a tense time for all. I pointed out that he was over excitable because he was nervous about meeting her for the first time as she is a stranger. The FCs, their home and the child in question are all places and people he knows well – he doesn’t act like that around them…but she didn’t want to hear it. She had also fixated on the fact that my son said he needed to have the first turn of a game because ‘he was the youngest’. ‘His identity is clearly bound up in the fact he is the youngest, how will it be if a child comes into the home of a similar age and he loses that status?’ she says. Erm no. He was simply repeating the rules of the game that I read to him earlier in the day because he was trying to impress you with what he knows. He knows how old he is and how old his friend is. He knows he is the oldest. He has proudly said several times ‘I’m 4! He’s only 3! He can’t go to school, he’s too little’. At the moment it feels like she is going to jump on every tiny thing he says which really worries me. She even said we were doing this to ‘rule the situation out’ and ‘put the situation to bed’…whilst at the same time saying whilst the assessment takes place she will not be looking for any further matches for me.

After the assessment there are still no guarantees. She may decide the situation is not worth pursuing as a match. She might come to the conclusion that actually this can work and be a good match. Then she would present ‘my case’ to the little boy’s SW. That SW would then make the final decision…which of course might be a ‘no’.

My feelings right now are all over the place – I swing from hope to despair, to being philosophical to being fairly angry. I know I have to jump through these hoops and do whatever is asked of us. I know I have to have faith and trust that everything will work out for the best, but its so difficult having to let others decide the course of your life and your family and future.



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