Pre-Christmas present

I was never called back by the agency.

I kind of then decided to give up on pushing them until after Christmas…in fact I was almost ready to give up on believing anything would ever happen. I was quite fed up with the whole thing – of the pushing and the chasing and the being ignored.

Advent is supposed to be a time of waiting and longing, and I feel this year I really understand what that means in a different way. The word ‘Patience’ I learned comes from the word ‘patior/pati’ which means ‘to suffer’ and again, I kind of feel like I’m starting to really understand what patience means! So I decided to just give up – not entirely, but certainly on the pushing and the chasing up and try to focus instead on believing that everything will happen in the right time. May be it will take longer but in the long run hopefully it’ll be less emotionally draining. So for the last week that’s what I’ve tried to do – push it to the back of my mind and forget about it. To ignore all the heartwarming Christmas adoption stories being shared on my twitter timeline. To stop reading other people’s WASO posts. Concentrating instead on Christmas coming and being thankful for all that I do have.

This morning through the post I have received a letter of introduction from my ‘assessing social worker’, Form F1 part 1b, a CRB (new equivalent) form and a date for our first meeting in January. As I had given up on hearing anything until after Christmas this has now come as a rather nice pre-Christmas surprise!


Promises, promises

So the Key worker has not called. I am not surprised. The young man who answered the phone from the agency this morning made the unfortunate mistake of asking me how I was. He got my list of frustrations. 

This is what I find the most frustrating: people making promises that they know they can’t deliver…you’ll have this by xyz, she’ll call you by xyz…. and it doesn’t happen.

That and different people telling you different things depending on who you speak to…

Now the story goes that I won’t have been allocated a worker yet because everything kicks off with the training. I do that, THEN the worker gets in touch.

Really? Why was that message left on my answerphone then? Why do I have a name for the lady I’ve been allocated? Why was I told that the training was part of the two month block but didn’t start with that and there were other things that could get sorted like CRB checks and medical checks and taking up my enormous amount of work related references?

Needless to say he couldn’t tell me. 

Guess what? He’ll call me back.

The Report has arrived

True to their word the report arrived yesterday, along with a letter telling me when the training is. Another letter will apparently be along giving me the details later.

Had been quite worried what the report might say but it was purely factual (although some of the facts were slightly inaccurate – nephew’s ages, how long I’d worked in certain places…that sort of thing). But there was nothing there I hadn’t said and no surprises.

I told the headteacher at one of the schools I currently work with today as she also has to do a reference. She was so excited about being asked to be a reference that she volunteered to be a personal reference too! ‘Oh invite them to speak to me, I’ll tell them what I think of you! I’d love it!’ She says. Not sure that’s going to happen! She also said that if I didn’t send the child/ren to her school she’d be gutted. Good job as that is definitely the school I’d want him/her/them to go to. She told me they currently have two children in foster care and one adopted child there already, which somehow I wasn’t aware of.

But all useful to know, and now I feel a bit more officially on the road having the letter and report at last!

A momentous day…I think!

Had meeting with my ‘boss’ this lunch time. Been very nervous and not really slept well these last couple of nights. Before I went, as the adoption agency hadn’t called me back from the call I made on Thursday (surprise, surprise) I thought I’d call again as I wanted as much information as possible before I went.

The lady I spoke to seemed a bit narked no-one had followed up my call and said she would sort it herself and call me back personally. Which she did (well done her!). Unfortunately she hadn’t managed to speak to the person she needed to, but she had done some investigating. She’d found out that my report was done, approved and signed off and had no idea why I hadn’t been sent a copy. She also found out I’d been booked onto the January ‘groups’ (training) but she said she wasn’t allowed to tell me any of this officially until she’d spoken to a mysterious woman higher up the food chain as I hadn’t had my official letter confirming it all and she needed to know if there was a reason things were ‘on hold’. So she said she’d get this woman to call me direct.

So off I toddled to meet my sort of ‘boss’. He was very good. He listened whilst I rambled on and on…and on about needing to know I had the ‘organisation’s support especially as a single person. I spoke about how often adopted children have related issues surrounding attachment throughout their lives and parenting them can be a challenge…will the ‘organisation’ be supportive when things are difficult… what about when my child is 13 and still can’t make sense of what’s happened and is struggling… what about if I need to take time off unexpectedly or at the last minute…blah blah blah. To which the answers all seemed to be yes. But then, once I’d finished my rambling, he looks at me and says, ‘you know sometimes it isn’t as hard as you describe and some adopted children do settle well. Speaking as someone who is adopted, for me it hasn’t been an issue and I’d hate it if people blamed my adoption for my behaviour growing up or now’. I had no idea. Went bright red. But another fascinating co-incidence.

Only on the way home that I thought, whilst that is great for him, and really great that as an adoptee he is supportive of others adopting (some aren’t), things aren’t quite the same as they were for him back when he was growing up. I don’t know his story so I’m making massive presumptions but I would presume he wasn’t adopted as a result of profound neglect or severe abuse, which is the reality of most adoptions these days. But I have been assured of his support anyway and that’s the main thing.

When I arrived home the information I’d needed was waiting for me on the answerphone. The ‘senior’ woman had called. She said that my report would be posted today (no apology mind you) along with a letter confirming that I can go ahead and inviting me for the training in January (the dates of which I now have in my diary). She also said that she’s allocated me a ‘key worker’ to see me through stage one and that she would be one of the ladies who came out to see me initially. I’m glad about that as the lady in question seemed lovely. She said she should have contacted me by the end of this week (so in reality likely to actually be next week?). If she does call me by the end of this week she might even call before I’ve had the ‘formal letter’ and the report which leads me to suspect something organisationally has gone a bit ‘tits up’ in my case!

I will be even happier when I have that report and letter but still, at last things might actually, finally have started!